31 October 2010

sneak peek.

a few early shots for the gorgeous miss morgan, from thursday's senior session.

thanks, morgan! i can't wait to show you more. :)

25 October 2010

fall break.

more gifts:

27. celebrating the birthday of a friend who loves so much like Jesus

28. the distinctive way each of my boys sleep: zee with covers kicked off, em in his fishing hat, bee cloaked in a comforter and perspiration

29. the happy din of games around the dinner table

30. white skies aflame with trees

31. a little boy nephew who walks on his toes

32. any soup that calls for kale

33. book club

34. sharp, sweet, spicy pressed-cider

35. teachers who speak kindness to my children

36. a little girl who sings her words and skips her steps

37. tea parties made from fresh play-dough

holy experience

21 October 2010

whom have i

some weeks the work stacks up and sleep is scarce and my equanimity is pulling apart at the seams and all this gorgeousness that is fall is going on without me, in spite of me.

so i borrow ten minutes and a camera and a quiet tree, and He stills all that tumbles and roils.

whom have i
when my heart begins to fail
when sorrow fills the streets
and sounds of death prevail
Jesus is my hope
and i know He stills the wind
so take my very life away
as long as i get Him

(mandi mapes)

* * *

more imperfect prose at emily's.

12 October 2010

morning bokeh.

morning bokeh

i woke groggy this morning, sleepy vapors of a dream still fogging my brain.

i dreamed of new-old apartments with sliding doors, of seashell soap and people who whispered like yelling and benches that wouldn’t stay untoppled-over.

but mostly, i dreamed of b, my oldest boy. of discovering he had a girlfriend (i run into her mother around the corner of my dream, and she spills the news), and this girl is a little bit taller than my son, with clouds of dark hair and a guileless smile, and i like her on the spot but still cannot get used to the idea of my child. dating.

the good thing, and also the bad thing, with the hubby being a youth pastor is we have a fairly unobstructed view into the mind of your average teenager. by all accounts, it is a fascinating and surprising place, and also scary beyond all reason.

can i just say: i am largely unprepared for the arrival of hormones.

but here they come, flooding our tranquil home, leaving us knee-deep in crazy, and i know without a doubt that now is the time to pay attention and talk with him more, and also listen and listen and listen. and to not stand back or disengage when our children hit that point where they don’t seem to particularly need or like their old mum anymore.

[because in every almost-teenage boy there is a son who desperately needs his parents to treasure him.]

and boy, do i ever.

08 October 2010


six years ago yesterday, i was exhausted and cold and the doctor was saying you have a girl and i was thinking: who is she talking to? because i didn't have girls, i had boys, a long string of beautiful silly boys.

but there you were, pink and squalling that newborn mewl, fists and feet treading air beneath a warming lamp.

a girl.

and so i learned a new language, she and her and daughter. i learned dresses and pigtails and ruffled tights, but i confess that some days it's still such a mystery to me.

six seems too small a word to explain you, to contain your exuberance and pluck. six doesn't hold that belly giggle, or your penchant for digging up earthworms and christening each one with a male name.

you are noisy and joyful and bubbling with songs and twirlish dancing. you are the slow-pokiest kid with socks and brushing teeth. you clamor for a good book. you adore everyone you meet.

you are bossy and magnetic and compassionate and every bit a child after my heart. you are my girl.

happy birthday, elle.

01 October 2010


continuing the love list:

21. little girls who wake with sleepy smiles and rarely make their beds.

22. broken-in boots.

23. girlfriends who keep you company with sweets and 80's flicks (kickboxing. sport of the future.) when the hubby's out of town.

24. knocking pebbles from my sneakers following an afternoon of digging for worms and climbing forts and trapezing with the littles out back.


25. melina marchetta. ('jellicoe road' kept me on the treadmill four miles longer than usual. melina honey, you sure can spin a tale.)

26. snowy mums, however brief they last.

(mom owens, i purchased these guys in the hopes that i could keep them alive and bonny till your birthday. however. it is now becoming clear that i may have been suffering from an acute case of delusional optimism that day, so do not be surprised if you end up with an entirely non-kingdom-plantae, different gift.)

(but just in case, close your eyes.)

autumn snow.

* * *

holy experience

(indeed, i do know it's friday, but i'm trying out this new thing called being early. so far it's weird but oddly refreshing.)