weekly announcements

1. I have had a headache for the past thirty-six hours, give or take twenty minutes. Before you feel too sympathetic, it is not the debilitating sort; I am able to function above the pain, but still. I would like it to vamoose.


2. Number one reminds me that I am allergic to aspirin, with a cross-reaction to ibuprofen. Thus, my bodily aches are consigned to the remaining painkiller: acetaminophen. For those of you who like to tell me "Yeah, but Tylenol does nothing for me": Yes. Exactly.


3. This is my kid.



I have been told that he has 'Bama Bangs, but nonetheless. He is cute.


4. I have the oddest dreams. I think I have just the right amount of daily ennui mixed into the truly bizarre that the overall result is somehow credible.


For instance: I dream that I am sorting laundry, then dumping a capful of Tide and a load of brights into the machine. While I wait for the load to clean itself, I notice that Kristin (hub's sister) has left the lamps on, the door open, and rock songs blaring in her apartment while she is off cavorting on a weekend cruise. This way people will think she is actually home and no one will steal her furniture or window treatments. It is Reverse Psychology.

When I step out of her apartment, I have to jump because, what do you know, the stairs have decided to relocate themselves halfway beneath her front door. Which is an unfortunate decision because when I land with a less-than-graceful thud/combination-somersault, Ryan Seacrest, who is my dream's building security guard (but dressed in janitor's garb), mistakes me for a loiterer/thief and escorts me to a criminal hearing.

The CIA line the cement-block walls in this hearing, brandishing machetes, and sporting the kind of mustaches that curl up at the ends. But instead of thinking to myself, What the world? And how did I get stuck with the Columbian CIA? I am thinking it makes perfect sense and the whole thing must be real because after all, my laundry is still thumping along through the rinse cycle in the background.


5. Elle is in a "What time is it?" phase. About three dozen times a day, she wants to know what the clock says, and she's very pleased to repeat the number I announce as the current time. "Fee-fifty-two" or whatever. The thing is, she's caught on to the concept that time is constantly changing, so she feels compelled to continue asking the time so as to always have the accurate number in her head. I now understand the motivation behind rigging up a talking watch.

The other thing is, I'm not even sure what knowing the current time does for her. It's not like she knows that she gets snack at 9:00, or that her oldest brothers will slam through the door after school at 2:35. They are just random numbers to her, but still, she cannot function without knowing.

If she starts asking the temperature, I'm going to resign.


6. I have recently discovered that I am all about Thai food. This is because I love noodles and rice and veggies and sweet and spicy, which pretty much sums up all Thai food that I know of. Plus, I'd bet it is not zero degrees there right now. Thailand is pretty high up on my Places to Live Besides Here list today.


7. This concludes our announcements. Please carry on with your regularly scheduled weekend.