02 August 2007

What they never tell you

(Or maybe they did tell us and we just weren't listening)

The person who shows up on your wedding day is not actually the person who shows up each morning in your marriage.

Nothing is fixed, stagnant. Everyone changes with time.

Sometimes it's drastic, like when someone sets off for war and returns as a living corpse: a shell of who they were, trembling in their sleep, assaulted with memories too horrifying to disclose.

Mostly, though, it seems to be a gradual evolving...a little sagging and bulging and wrinkling, a deepening reclusiveness, a sharpened cynicism. Changes brought about by the trauma of daily life, with its beginnings and deaths and promotions and losses.

And one can wake up at thirty (or forty or fifty or twenty-three) and find that they don't recognize the person snoring beside them, wrapped in more than their fair share of blanket.

Which can be taxing, I think. Difficult if the current version of your spouse grates at you, difficult to honor the commitment you've made, difficult to choose to love.

Or, if you're as blessed as I am, it can be easier than ever. Because sometimes the changes are happy: a sweet mellowing of spirit, a deeper well of patience, a rooted steadfastness.

My husband is not the person I married over a decade ago.

He's even better.


Rob said...


That's so sweet I think I threw up a little in my mouth reading it....HA!

Seriously, it's very cool that you feel that way and let him know it. Don't let anyone tell you guys don't just lap stuff like your post up...I think that's awesome...even if he does stink in fantasy baseball this year.

BTW, lovin' the new layout...I use Bloglines, so I don't see it unless I want to leave a comment...

Morgan said...


What to say first?

First off...this post gave me chills (the good kind).

I love your blog minimakeover.


If I looked like that, I'd be posting pics of myself daily.

No wonder your husband is insanely crazy about you...brains and beauty, talent and a kind heart.

Let's be best friends, LOL!

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

That was amazing, Nicole! You seriously had my attention gripped throughout. I was starting to get very, very worried, and then...relief.

So beautifully written. And such an echo of my own feelings for my sweetheart. =)

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

p.s. I like the new look! And thanks so much for the sweet comments today. You lift up my spirits so much!

Tonya said...

What a lucky husband to have a wife who adores him so...

..esp since he is, apparently, a blanket hog ( I loved that line of your post).

I love your style...in all things.

You even do real life beautifully!

Tayasmama said...

That was so great Nic :) You are a lucky lady and one day I hope to be as lucky :) And I have to say you are absolutely beautiful! I can see why baby girl is so dang CUTE!!!


nic said...

Now y'all are making me blush, and I didn't even think I was genetically capable of blushing. :)

I kept telling myself, when I lose those last 8 zoloft pounds I'll post a pic. And then I realized that at the rate I'm going, by then I'll be thoroughly wrinkled with loads of grey hair. So this is what I look like before my 85th birthday.

nic said...

PS Rob--uck.

Anonymous said...

Goodness Gracious! You are absolutely stunning! I agree with everything that everyone else has said!!!:)

I love this post. I feel the same way about my husband, but you said it so much more eloquently than I could have. It's true, to feel that way about someone after over 10 years of marriage is a blessing.


carole said...

Beautiful blog, and WOW what a post! Gripping, really, it read like the start of a delicious novel. You really have a way with words, but I'll bet you've already heard that before ;). Glad I stumbled across your blog.

carole said...

Had to comment again (sorry, its a bad habit of mine). Just read your profile. Journey and the Stinky Cheese Man as favorites - both great picks and I totally agree!

Denny said...

Love the beautiful word picture and I love that I understand and feel the same about my beautiful bride. Only for us it is soon to be 32 years. Enjoy the next 22, it will be quite a ride.

erin said...

Love this post! So sweet :)