31 December 2012
come what may.
i'm sitting here with a plate of pillowy bread rained in honey, thinking back on the year. this is maybe not the best idea i've ever had, because now the day's agenda includes swabbing the sticky from my keyboard. still: so worth it.
it's been a full year, good and hard and ridiculous and beautiful. we've all grown up a little, often without enthusiasm or consent, and we've seen how grace and tenacity can hitch our hearts together.
little m is just fine. the great news is that he's happy and trusting and attached, which has little to do with our stellar parenting and everything to do with a history rich in nurture and security. we struggle with each other, and it's weird, because i was geared solid for grief and rage and fear--weighty loss-related stuff. but instead, much to our utter relief and bafflement, we're just experiencing some good old fashioned naughtiness.
by the truckload.
so the seven of us need patience with each other and skies of wisdom and we're all something desperate for the leadership of Christ. and last time i checked, that's pretty much humanity in a nutshell, so i think we're good.
the year ahead scares me a little. if God continues to call folks to pray and give, and if people continue to respond, we'll move to kenya come july. the only thing more frightening than going is not going, because somewhere along the way He planted a fire in our bellies for africa's people and most days it feels like i'm burning alive.
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
whatever 2013 means, whatever it will bring and will cost us, God is already there, unrivaled and worth it all. let's do this.