31 December 2012

come what may.

i'm sitting here with a plate of pillowy bread rained in honey, thinking back on the year. this is maybe not the best idea i've ever had, because now the day's agenda includes swabbing the sticky from my keyboard. still: so worth it.

it's been a full year, good and hard and ridiculous and beautiful. we've all grown up a little, often without enthusiasm or consent, and we've seen how grace and tenacity can hitch our hearts together.

little m is just fine. the great news is that he's happy and trusting and attached, which has little to do with our stellar parenting and everything to do with a history rich in nurture and security. we struggle with each other, and it's weird, because i was geared solid for grief and rage and fear--weighty loss-related stuff. but instead, much to our utter relief and bafflement, we're just experiencing some good old fashioned naughtiness.

by the truckload.

so the seven of us need patience with each other and skies of wisdom and we're all something desperate for the leadership of Christ. and last time i checked, that's pretty much humanity in a nutshell, so i think we're good.

the year ahead scares me a little. if God continues to call folks to pray and give, and if people continue to respond, we'll move to kenya come july. the only thing more frightening than going is not going, because somewhere along the way He planted a fire in our bellies for africa's people and most days it feels like i'm burning alive.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

whatever 2013 means, whatever it will bring and will cost us, God is already there, unrivaled and worth it all. let's do this.


Unknown said...

oh, your pics are, as always, fabulous. excited about following your kenya journey....

Michelle said...

Happy New Year, Nic! 2013 is sure to bring you and your family your biggest adventures yet. :-)

rahel said...

Happy New Year! I wish you and your family lots of joy, health and happiness. Wonderful pictures!

Amanda said...

Oh man, I love that passion for the people in Africa. The passion that burns you alive. That gave me goosbumps. I totally get that :)

Unknown said...

Here's to an amazing 2013 for you and your family! Share lots of photos, right? I miss Kenya!

Carolyn said...

I was so happy to find your new years post on my first quiet morning after 3 days packed silly of wall to wall company and on a brand new start on another trip around the sun.

Can I just tell you what a blessing and inspiration you have been to me the past two or so years I've faithfully devoured your posts like the sweet-warm richness of morning cup of mocha. I've said it before but the words well worth repeating- As a shutter bug I love looking at your pictures...but honestly, there is a lot of cool photography to be found via Internet....it's your words....the down to earth, play in the mud with your shoes off while the cool squishes up through the toes poetry that sparks something in my brain that makes me want to be able to write words that sing in my readers head. And, of course, this wouldn't happen without our common need and love of our mud-between-your-toes real savior.

Thank you for sharing with me your self, your family, your struggles and your victories this past year.
And may Abba bless and keep you and your family this year in all the adventure and newness he has for you.

Shalom Shalom

Brandee Shafer said...

Happy New Year. I love you and yours and am proud to journey with you.

hannah singer said...

every bit of this. i just enjoy you.

praise jesus, for him being already there.
that's what pushes me onward.

love you, nic! xo

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Oh how you amaze. And what sweet balm your words, as always, are. We spent Christmas with my brother and sister-in-law, and apparently they are now full blown atheists. We spent Christmas with no prayers, no carols, no scripture. I came home from our trip with a deep hunger for things of the spirit, and reading your posts here has helped fill that void. Love you so much.

Farmgirl Paints said...

Yep...let's do this thing! Gorgeous pics friend. Happy New Year:)

Shannan Martin said...

You're so, so good at this thing you do...

amy luella said...

let's do this, nic! and you got it: "the only thing more frightening than going is not going, because somewhere along the way He planted a fire in our bellies" i hear you. also, thanks for the smile: "we're all something desperate for the leadership of Christ. and last time i checked, that's pretty much humanity in a nutshell, so i think we're good." i feel that desperateness, too. beautiful collage of the year.

Sami Jo said...

let's do <3 LOVED all the pics. I was out of the loop for 2012 but I'm back and I'll be stopping by off and on. Your posts are always such a work of art. Love! Hugs, SJ