28 February 2012

to have and to hope.

saturday

this past weekend was my favorite sort: one part blustery wind, three parts sun, some stripey-sock dancing and the making of things. there may or may not have been a child who dedicated the whole of his day to Disregarding The Parental Units, but such is our current modus operandi, and it doesn't quite ruffle up our feathers like before.

the learning curve's been steep these last eight months, and it comes at such a funny time: i've been mothering a passel of kidlets for years and thought i'd had things pretty well managed. but now we've this crash course in Forbearance and Creative Thinking and it's stretching me spaghetti-thin and most everything about it is hard and unglamorous, but i suspect it's also spiking personal growth in places that could stand some blossoming.

also, my prayer life has taken on new fervor.

before we brought our youngest into our family, i'd gripped this notion that raising up children is a fairly straight-forward enterprise: you're kind and consistent, you love them up tall, you communicate expectations, you help them meet Jesus and you teach them to value each other. water and weed and let God do his growing thing, and presto: a bushel of upstanding citizens. but our smallest boy is teaching us that we can do our part as parents, we can love him and give him opportunities to cooperate and the tools to make healthy choices, but the actual choosing and cooperating is largely up to him. (and God. and those miracles up His sleeve.)

which means that some days i proffer cooperative chances from sunup to sundown, and he flatly rejects every single one (plus usually a bunch of chances i didn't even extend). no question, these are exhausting times. but they don't have to be defeating.

and last night just as he was on the cusp of sleep, i slipped in and kissed his temple and sniffed him up good, all that honeyed soap and skin. he smells like my kid. it's a mighty nice smell. and i'm thinking that given enough time and chances, there will come a day when i'll walk into a room and he'll catch that scent of mom.

call me crazy, but i just can't shake this hope.

23 comments:

Small Town Joy: said...

I love that you said "love them up tall."

It made me a but weepy, in fact.

I am still praying for "M" each time he runs through my mind.

Bless him.

Hopper family said...

hope is pretty huge these days in my neck of the woods as well. so easy to lose sight of. thankfully #5 is slipping right into place as #4 is wreaking all kinds of havoc. glad each day brings a new beginning and a whole fresh tank of patience.

hugs, friend!

Gina said...

I love your hope! His grace...his love....his hope.
Xoxo
Gina

Marie said...

i have one child that stumps my parenting "formula" as well. he works differently, plays differently, sees life differently. i sometimes feel as though i am playing by the rules and he is not. i am upholding my end of the bargain...but i am {daily} reminded that this is not a cause and effect relationship that i am in. and in the end, it is God alone who will "uphold the other end of the bargain" for us both. thankfully:)

1 Cor. 15:58

Kim said...

your heart and your prose are beautiful.

Angel said...

Praying that he catches that scent of Mom sooner than you'd ever believe possible. ((HUGS))

Captain Murdock said...

Not sure if I should call my newest one #3 or #5. Either way, hope is what I'm clinging to right now!

Anonymous said...

oh girl i feel you. he will smell mom...he will!

Jorth! said...

Ain't nothing crazy about that, dear one!

Farmgirl Paints said...

that comment was me farmgirl becky...i'm not anonymous

Brandee Shafer said...

Nothing is impossible with God, plus you're oh-so-lovable. It's coming down the pike. I'll pray an extra prayer for you, tonight, before I fall asleep. Because I sure do love you just like that.

Jenn said...

Nic...you are the kind of mom that I want to be. Full of compassion, and perserverence, and wit. Man, I love you girl!

Jennifer said...

I just love stopping by and reading your beautiful posts. Man, you are one heck of a writer!

Each day as a mother is most definitely filled with some sort of new adventure, inevitably a few struggles and thankfully, almost always, a few tender mercies from above.

Blessings to you and your precious family as you continue to embrace this beautiful journey together!

Michelle said...

I love that he smells like your kid! And someday soon he will definitely find the smell of Mom on you. xxx

I Live in an Antbed said...

We've often joked that God saved our 7th child for last because we were going to need EVERYTHING we've ever learned about parenting to raise her. :) The Hope in our mother hearts reflects, I believe, our Father's Heart for all His "piggies."

Katarina said...

Wonderful thoughts and pics, as always!!!xxxx

Jodi@ underthegeorgiasun.com said...

I continue to keep little M in my prayers. And I love that you love him so.

lulu and family said...

that last paragraph is so touching, nic. hoping and praying with you and your husband. "but i suspect it's also spiking personal growth in places that could stand some blossoming" made me smile. i know you are exhausted, but i know you are doing so well for this little munchkin! the work is worth it; i just wish i could slip in for several hours from time to time to give you a bit of a break.=) love reading from your end! sweet, rich blessings to you and yours this week!

Bless by Tone said...

I'm always so blessed by your posts - the love of God shines through them - and M will know what scent is mom

emily wierenga said...

oh nic. this makes me cry. you are my shining light right now. and i'm wondering, can i guest post this at my place sometime soon? let me know. also, i'd love to chat with you sometime about your kids, and how they've adjusted to this whole thing, and how you manage to share yourself with them and with him, and still, with your husband, while making time for yourself :) love you. (ps. please email me if you don't mind me guest posting this... xo)

Andrea said...

Oh I love this. I always love your blog. Such a breath of fresh air.

hannah singer said...

thinking of you and praying xoxo

Heather said...

Oh, the WORDS in this one! I read over each line twice. I felt every one of them in my being and shed a tear over your last sentence. I believe it too, friend.
xo