06 July 2011

current status.

the birds are singing up the sun and i’m reveling in my short stint as a morning person. this trick of waking at 3:30am does wonders for allowing me to finish up photography work, drink quiet coffee, pop in here for the sort of conversation that does not involve let’s not tell kaka jokes and please don't stand on the dining table.


sugar cane


i’ve been fielding a number of questions, and i will try to get to them all, but the one i encounter (and appreciate) most is the simple how are you doing?

the unvarnished truth: some moments are better than others, but we are, in fact, making it.

i don’t usually post info like this on the hairy-scary internet, but i’m in stark need of your prayers, so here it is—the mister’s overseeing part of a conference in louisville and i’m single-parenting this first week home, and that’s pretty hard. we were thrilled, touch-the-sky-elated, when we zipped from court to embassy so quickly. we wanted our boy home before his fifth birthday, home before spending a full two years in orphanage care, and all that coupled with the uncertainty of visa appointments in july meant that we needed to travel asap.

but it also meant that i’d travel solo. that i’d have custody of our boy for the first week ever in a developing country on my own. that i’d miss two nights of sleep in their entirety navigating four airports and customs and baggage with a scared smallish child alone. that the mister would have to be gone again right after we got home.

little m does this thing where he clings like a starfish to some part of me and leans most of his frame into mine, which admittedly is all sorts of endearing. north of twenty minutes, though, his sweatiness and heft (he outweighs my 6 and 8 year olds) plum wear me thin, and i just want to call a time-out and have somebody, anybody, grant me a small reprieve. you there at the pretzel cart in terminal 3? please prop up my child for just a bit. i would like to visit the restroom without a person glued to my kneecap.

on the happy side, though, he has taken beautifully to my older four, and they are fantastic with him. arriving home in early july with all the littles here all day has been the best possible scenario. and truly, though i gasped for peace like a beached fish during the trip and the travel home, i was never, not for the smallest second, alone. i've a Father who went ahead of me, beside me, behind me. who gave me strength to put one foot in front of the other when i was too bleary to see straight, who prompted fellow fliers to be patient with us all along the way.

God has not, and He will not, abandon us. and this morning His company and care are every bit enough.

30 comments:

kendal said...

i can only imagine the drain. a good draining. but a draining, nevertheless. praying for you, nic.

Nancy said...

Thank you for sharing on the hairy-scary internet. Praying for peace.

Folly said...

Oh, Nic! Thank-you for sharing. Even when you are doing it tough, your love for your children shines through. It will get easier, for certain. With all that love around him, how can M not feel safe and secure in time? And you will once again be able to stand straight, and go to the bathroom alone. :-)
Michelle xxx

TheUnSoccerMom said...

continuing prayers for you and your expanded family!

M will be more than okay b/c just as you have your Father, M has the same Father beside him, behind him, in front of him, carrying him. :o)

Southern Gal said...

Oh how sweet to give all the glory to God especially in the hard places. So happy that M is home right where he belongs. Happy day to you!

Hannah said...

is your husband at the nazarene conference in louisville? I live in louisville and my husband works at the mariott downtown (in starbucks) there are a ton of youth in for a conference and just thought it may be the same one. If it is... tell him to stop by starbucks and tell Patrick that his wife reads your blog. :)

Karen Siddiqi said...

Praying for the peace you need so desperately! Also, my face is smiling that this little guy has legs on which to lean these days :). I appreciate the brutal honesty as we journey down this adoption path ourselves!

autumn's dizzy thoughts said...

prayers for a growthin your transition. You are an inspiration to me, as I prepare to return alone for our 3 year old...some days i am excited for the adventure, some days i am terrified. I need to learn from your strength through it all.

CurlyGirlD said...

Praying for peace & strength & even more love than you already so beautifully have - sending warm wishes your way too. So happy for you & your SEVENTY piggies! All will be well. As you said, you have Him always beside you. You & your family are very, very blessed. Thank you SO much for sharing - glad you are WELL. :)

happygirl said...

I'm sure trust will come. I keep you and your piggies in prayer, daily.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I'm in tears over the beauty of your striving. Truly. And your faith somehow bolsters my own. We're never alone. Oh no.

Ostriches Look Funny said...

I love this post, it's so honest and encouraging. I'll pray for you, and your little starfish. At least you aren't a mollusk..or whatever starfish eat. hehehe.

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

I can hardly stand all the goodness here.

Praying still...

Carolyn said...

Thanks once again Nic for allowing us to see inside your private world to jump for joy as well as feel the weight as you walk your way through a wonderfully difficult time. Seeing a new post brings a smallish delight in my day...knowing that your pics or your words (and often both) will touch my heart and inspire me to continue to love. shalom to all seventy piggies

Bless by Tone said...

you seem like one special kind of person - and I will be looking you up in heaven - will pray for smooth transistions and a little boy to feel secure and safe. Tone

Jorth! said...

Just want to say that you are the best, most awe-inspiring kind of amazing.

I'm so lucky to be able to call you my friend. Thank heavens for the hairy-scary internet!

Christa said...

I'm sure life is hard and incredibly draining right now, but that beautiful portrait of your boy on your last post? Wow, so worth it. Wish I could send you some spare hours of sleep to help you make it through the next while.

Sami Jo said...

Amen, Sistergirl. Can't imagine doing anything without Him. You are all in my prayers for peace and comfort.

Much Love, Sami Jo

alisa greig said...

thinking of your family extra during this transitional time--praying for rest and peace and continued joy :)

Talia said...

What a lovely and honest post. Your new addition is so dag gone cute!

Blessings to all...

Amy Whitt said...

Praying for strength, rest and peace for you. May you continue to feel God's loving arms surrounding you and your family.

Brandee Shafer said...

still praying for you, especially in the wee hours

lulu and family said...

your honesty. so kind of you. wow, having the first week parenting solo! wishing at the moment that i could trek across to the midwest to step in and cover for you to have a long walk or run or whatever you want.=) much love to you all!

hannah singer said...

love you, love your open heart. may the lord hold you up as you enjoy the push and pull joys of all this newness.
xo

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
phil.4:19

Allyson said...

Nic, we have a common friend (J.Klick) who shared your blog with me. I'm so very glad she did! You are an inspiration! Your honesty, love for our Lord and your family beams through your writing. Thank you for sharing this journey God has you on. He is faithful to complete the work He began in us. Praise God!

Abby/Roger said...

Thank you for this post. I desperately needed to read those last few sentences today. We are a Holt family with a court decree as of June 22 but also a baby girl still stuck in Wolayta due the the Mussie mess. I definitely needed to be reminded I have a Father walking in front of, next to, and behind us the entire way.

Abby/Roger said...

Thank you for this post. I desperately needed to read those last few sentences today. We are a Holt family with a court decree as of June 22 but also a baby girl still stuck in Wolayta due the the Mussie mess. I definitely needed to be reminded I have a Father walking in front of, next to, and behind us the entire way.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I'm in tears over the beauty of your striving. Truly. And your faith somehow bolsters my own. We're never alone. Oh no.

autumn's dizzy thoughts said...

prayers for a growthin your transition. You are an inspiration to me, as I prepare to return alone for our 3 year old...some days i am excited for the adventure, some days i am terrified. I need to learn from your strength through it all.

TheUnSoccerMom said...

continuing prayers for you and your expanded family!

M will be more than okay b/c just as you have your Father, M has the same Father beside him, behind him, in front of him, carrying him. :o)