30 March 2011

the vibrant stuff.

vibrance

in the soft chill of last february we’d sit flannelled-up before the pc and rhapsodize over the kids on the waiting child page: she’s got a smile that could melt you like july, this one, and doesn’t that boy look so brave and tender? and i wished they could all be ours for the joy of them, and i’d high-five the air when one by one their photos wore the happy banner: i have a family!

and there was one little guy we’d been praying long for, week after week the small circle of his face still there. and i’d stretch drowsy between the sheets at night still thinking of him, until i began to hope that maybe the family he’s waiting for is ours. that we’ve been waiting for him.

so mid-march we received his file, and we researched and answered long pages of essay questions and interviewed on the phone and closed our eyes tight and hoped. and weeks later the committee met to decide that yes, we would be a good family for him, and i sank back against the wall and wept with relief, surprised by how soon i loved this child.

we thought he’d be home by late summer, early fall. but sometimes things stall out, sputter and cough and leave you dusty on the side of the road thumbing a ride back to hope.

so we’ve been loving our boy long distance for a year now. and you’d think by this point i’d know better, but still every monday i think this could be the week, and still every weekday i think this could be the day, the one where we hear news of the next step to becoming family. and each night the minute hand hits eight pm and punctures my hope, but never mind, tomorrow i’ll wake brimming with the vibrant stuff again.

and all the while our hearts stretch eight thousand miles thin, a taxing feat even for the best of us. but we keep on.

'cause i tell you what: one of these days is going to be the day.


:)



Photobucket


34 comments:

Denny said...

This grandpa's heart is stretched across the miles as well. His name has long ago been added to my prayer list, right next to the other 6 I call grandchildren. I realize we don't know him yet, and he knows even less of us, but my assurance is that our Father already knows him well and is watching out for him. So until "that day" I will keep praying and listening for the words "he's here".

Nancy said...

Oh--I can hardly stand this! I remember having a picture of our son for about three months before we could travel to bring him home. I was so deeply, hopelessly in love with my boy. Breathing prayer he comes home to you soon.

Hopper family said...

Thinking of you and your family during these long days as you wait for thAT phone to ring. You're right... it WILL happen. He WILL come home. And it will be WONDERFUL!

Jessica Monte said...

I love the light in this photo and the composition is great too. I'll be checking back in to find out what happens . . .

Jennifer Shults said...

"but sometimes things stall out, sputter and cough and leave you dusty on the side of the road thumbing a ride back to hope." goodness you spin vivid pictures with words

Nic I wish I was there to give you a big hug and wait with you. He's going to be so very blessed to join your family. I can only hope that the long road to home will make him appreciate it all the more.

Jenn said...

Thinking about you constantly and longing alongside you as well. It WILL come...and the rejoicing will be so big it will stretch all the way around the world. Love your heart. Can't wait to see your boy home!!

Brandee Shafer said...

You know I am praying about this.

And I just want to add: I am thanking God RIGHT THIS MINUTE for the Denny words above, 'cause it isn't always like that. My cousin and her husband are in the process of adopting a sibling set of four from CA, and you wouldn't believe the uprising/unrest in the family because of it. And I just don't UNDERSTAND! I mean, wouldn't you be afraid to stand against something to clearly of God...especially if the adoptive parents promise they're praying it into being? Oh, it grieves me.

God bless you and your family...including the little one for whom you wait...

Brian Miller said...

yes it will be the day...and that you are stretching that heart for so far for so long speaks volumes...

Life with Kaishon said...

I prayed for you just this second. And I prayed for him. God hears your cries.

Joybird said...

One fine day, the promise(s) will be fulfilled. Holding my breath each day, too, for both of us. Oh, and praying too ;)

Jen said...

I feel for you. I'm in a different situation and yet, in so many ways, so similar. Keep on keeping on and trusting to the Lord and His timing. I'm so grateful for His hand in our lives.

TheUnSoccerMom said...

Wow... I'm amazed. :o)

Prayers are still going up that soon, very soon, you'll hold your little boy in your arms. :o)

Ostriches Look Funny said...

EEEK! Maybe today?! Maybe? SOON!

happygirl said...

Nic, I hope today is the day. Thanks for the picture. It says SPRING to me. And, it says HOPE.

Misty said...

oh this is heartbreaking but kind of in a joyful way... the hope is so raw and so real and so big it requires faith, yes?
oh, to hold your boy soon, to feel his skin and stroke his hair and see the many facets to his particular eye color... those are the things worth hoping for.
soon.

Wendy said...

Nic, your words are so tender. Blessings to you as you wait. The day will come...

Kati patrianoceu said...

Wow, will you even know HOW to not hope and wait once he finally arrives? The expectation has become such a part of your life... may it end soon nonetheless :)

Kimberly said...

Oh Nic, I'm in tears and my heart feels achy and stretched too.

May the day be very, very soon.

alittlebitograce said...

Wow..you show so much beauty and grace in the waiting. May I come and learn from you? :)

You are in my thoughts and prayers! *hugs*

Fledgling said...

Nic, another Looney-Tunes shaped hole punched in you (that metaphor has been with me ALL WEEK...you're such a d*mn good writer...okay "darn" good writer...no, d*mnit, you're a d*mn good writer! Okay, I said it. And without the *sterix)

I'm edge-of-my-seat rooting for you all. I feel kinda like I'm watching Daniel Larusso, with a broken leg, standing in Sacred Crane Style and the idiot Cobra Kai sensei is yelling "NO mercy! Finish him!" and you know, you know, you just know he's going to win, 'cause the trumpets in the musical score is telling us as much and this movie is solid 80s stuff and NOT French or anything, but Daniel hasn't won yet, but hop, hop, hop...

KICK! SNAP!

This kid is going to be winning the best prize ever. The awesomest prize. I can't wait for him to win!

Katarina said...

You are such an amazing person, that kid will be the luckiest kid in the world and I am sure that the day is very close to come, it would be a perfect April shower:)
my heart is with yours:)
xoxo

Southern Gal said...

Oh so heartwrenching. I pray the day will arrive soon.

emily wierenga said...

oh nic... that all of those children could be yours, beautiful mama-friend. you love with such heart. this boy, he is so blessed. i cannot wait for him to come home to you.

Katie Stratton said...

you inspire me to no end!
<3

autumn's dizzy thoughts said...

delurking here...haven't read up on your blog- but now i feel like i have been missing so much. June will be one year since our WC match...this coming April 8th will be the one year mark since we requested his file.....still waiting on a court date...waiting for phones to ring and emails to be sent- you have phrased my same angish with words of grace, and i wanted to thank you for that

love said...

yes, friend, it will.

and what rejoicing there will be. i long to be in the moment, but i long [with you] for mondays...with hopeful expectation of what could happen in that fresh week.

praying with you always.

David N. said...

It absolutely is! Adoption has a way of wringing your heart out, and it does it in front of everybody. But it makes it full again in the end. Hang in there. Peace of Christ to you.

lulu and family said...

thank you for sharing, nic. so beautiful and strong...and brave. what a year.

love said...

yes, friend, it will.

and what rejoicing there will be. i long to be in the moment, but i long [with you] for mondays...with hopeful expectation of what could happen in that fresh week.

praying with you always.

autumn's dizzy thoughts said...

delurking here...haven't read up on your blog- but now i feel like i have been missing so much. June will be one year since our WC match...this coming April 8th will be the one year mark since we requested his file.....still waiting on a court date...waiting for phones to ring and emails to be sent- you have phrased my same angish with words of grace, and i wanted to thank you for that

Katie Stratton said...

you inspire me to no end!
<3

Brian Miller said...

yes it will be the day...and that you are stretching that heart for so far for so long speaks volumes...

Hopper family said...

Thinking of you and your family during these long days as you wait for thAT phone to ring. You're right... it WILL happen. He WILL come home. And it will be WONDERFUL!

Denny said...

This grandpa's heart is stretched across the miles as well. His name has long ago been added to my prayer list, right next to the other 6 I call grandchildren. I realize we don't know him yet, and he knows even less of us, but my assurance is that our Father already knows him well and is watching out for him. So until "that day" I will keep praying and listening for the words "he's here".