17 September 2009

needs improvement (a work in progress).

i'm the sort of person that requires a solid eight hours of sleep. at seven hours i'm functional, six and i'm pretty much channeling attila the hun.

sunday, after a weeklong string of late nights, i was bleary and headachey and exhibiting a remarkably low tolerance for anything that breathed out of place. the littles were begging for the park with the spinning thing, and i, from my perch at the computer, kept saying no, i have this whole list of things to do and i wish we could because it's gorgeous outside but i just don't have time to do the park and all this too.

my list went something like
edit photos
record expenses
order packaging
back up images
file taxes
exercise

except it was longer and looked hairier at the time.

but somewhere in the nether regions of my sleep-deprived frontal lobe, i realized i'd left off the most pivotal items: play with your kids. listen to their happy chatter. memorize these small faces because they'll never again look exactly as they do today.

we went to the park.

true, i was pretty much straight out of a tissot entitled Snippy Mom At Park With Four Kids, but i think they had a nice time in spite of me. they had the sky, luminous and unwrinkled, the soft rush of the river, the light refracting off the water to shimmer on the undersides of poplar leaves.

we spread dinner on old blankets and watched the ducks squabble and dive. the boys collected an assortment of sticks and leaves. too soon, we packed up and headed home for baths and pajamas and sleep.

i'm far from the perfect parent, but it's nice to know there was that one time when i chose right. i'm far from the perfect parent, but i've made a concerted effort to get to bed earlier this week. i'm far from the perfect parent, but i am learning.

and my kids haven't given up on me yet.

10 comments:

Jenn said...

You may be "far from perfect" but you are definitely the kind of mom who inspires me to be better at what I do (and to do the things I don't). I've said it before...but your kids are lucky to have you and you to have them (except I don't think luck had anything to do with it)

take a bow Jenn

Kimberly said...

I love how you put this. Such a great reminder to choose to be a better parent. I think we sometimes forget that it really is our choice.

PamperingBeki said...

Beautiful.

And just what I needed at this moment when I'm beyond frustrated at a certain 2 yr old who is pushing my limits.

Deep breaths...

Courtney said...

Thanks for the reminder that they grow up WAY too fast! I need that sometimes ;)

sarah barnett said...

we're all works in progress... praise God that he doesn't give up on us! Sarah

Rob said...

great post, Nic...and a good reminder...

hotflashmamaknowsbest said...

You are an amazing parent. I have always watched you and wished that I would have been the kind of mom you are to my kids. Some things I did totally wrong, LOTS of things I could have done better, but even more things I wish I had taken time for--- more kisses, hugs, playing, praying together, reading together, giggling, acting silly, and so much more...

fleetfeet said...

Thanks Nic, for the stark reminder. Our family has also been caught up in the chaos of life, losing sleep and putting way too much emphasis over things that are just not important. We need to just remember to breathe, and let kids be kids. I admire and I am proud of your parenting. Love you.

~love said...

amen. thank God for grace.

learning with you...

PamperingBeki said...

Beautiful.

And just what I needed at this moment when I'm beyond frustrated at a certain 2 yr old who is pushing my limits.

Deep breaths...