**SPOILER WARNING: the following post contains info gleaned from NEW MOON, the novel, so if you are patiently awaiting the movie and desire to know nothing from the book which might ruin your theatre experience, please go eat a crumpet and come back to this post sometime after november 20th.**
so i'm not a frenzied fan of meyer's NEW MOON. in fact, i can't seem to muster enough personal enthusiasm to be even a sluggish fan. i do, however, enjoy stephenie's brand of dry, ironic humor, so it should come as no surprise that in spite of my general distaste for this installment of edward + bella (which is actually more like edward + bella - edward + sometimesjacob), i still crack a smile at the pithy one-liners.
fave quotes from NEW MOON
Alice: How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?
Bella: Even the voice in my head was making no sense today.
Edward: Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don’t be too difficult tonight. They’re all very excited.
Bella: Reckless in Forks—now there was a hopeless proposition.
Jacob: Here’s to responsibility. Twice a week.
Bella: Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one.
Bella: I’m an easy bleeder. It’s not nearly as dire as it looks.
Bella: Was I dying again, then? I didn’t like it--this wasn’t as good as the last time.
Jacob: Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I’m around? I won’t be able to concentrate if I think you’re jumping off cliffs behind my back.
Bella: Romeo wouldn’t change his mind. That’s why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That’s why it was a good story. “Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris” would have never been a hit.
Alice: Trust me, Bella. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be behind us.
Alice: Try not to trip. We don’t have time for a concussion today.
Bella: I’d forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.
Bella: His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory Edwards were usually better fed.
Edward: You should probably know that I’m breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear.
Edward: Well, I’m nearly a hundred and ten. It’s time I settled down.
ps so good news! now that i've just gathered all the redeemable parts of the book into one post, you don't even need to see the movie. i've just saved you like $7.50 plus a box of junior mints.
dear hank (three days before your wedding),
1 hour ago