19 March 2008

en cee double whatever

There are very few tasks in the universe for which I am less qualified than filling out one of these brackets. Tightrope walking across the Grand Canyon, perhaps, or orthodontic surgery, but that’s about it.

My supreme ineptitude stems in part from the fact that I have not watched even twenty seconds of any game this season, nor could I tell you the name of a single current college basketball player, NCAA or otherwise.

My MIL picks her teams by school colors/mascots, which is something I would totally make fun of under normal circumstances except that under this circumstance I'm forced to admire that she knows even that much.

The main thing I know about basketball is that it takes a reeeally long time because they keep stopping the clock for all sorts of stupid things. So when the clock says there’s thirty seconds left, it really means thirty seconds of play plus six cumulative minutes of everyone’s remaining time outs plus a bunch of intentional fouls and subsequent free-throws. So like ten minutes or something. If you’re lucky.

(That’s one of the two things I learned while cheering in college, the other being that I cannot tumble to save my or anyone else's life. So if, say, we’re standing in line at the supermarket together and we’re held up by masked gunmen who demand that someone does a round-off back-hand-spring full down the produce aisle or else everyone dies, don’t look at me.)(Really. It's all on you.)(But I can totally do a somersault-cartwheel for bonus points.)

Nonetheless, I dutifully complete one of these brackets every year to participate in the Owens family competition. It's rather a win-win situation for me (or reallywin-don'texactlylose situation, to be more precise). Everyone has incredibly and appropriately low expectations for my standing, so if I happen to luck out, I look amazing (or lucky). And if I end up somewhere in the region of last place, well, it's what we all expected anyway.

I completed my online bracket last night and I already forget who I picked to win it all, but if they happen to win, I will totally gloat about it here.

Right. We'll never speak of this again.

7 comments:

Melissa said...

We do this too... I go by location. If we have lived anywhere near the college, I choose that team. If it's between two teams I don't know anything about, I go with the team that's more fun to say... such as Villanova. Come on - isn't that the coolest name ever?

Kimberly said...

That made me giggle. Good luck regardless!

Nic said...

melissa--ooh! i like villanova too. i think it's 'cause it sounds like vanilla.

if there was a chocolanova, i would totally pick them to win it all. i wonder if i can do a write-in winner?

Rebekah said...

I'm in the same qualification level as you! Earlier tonight, I heard someone else talking about her bracket, and I thought she was talking about shelves at first!! Of course, I just listened, and found out through osmosis that this has something to do with who wins March Madness, which I do at least know means basketball :)

~love said...

i totally do the same thing: the obligatory family bracket. although i do know some of the mascots, which i definitely use to weigh in. hence, me cheering butler on today....come on, who wouldn't choose a bulldog?!

could we save a lot of people for a round off back handspring?? i'm certain i couldn't get the full in there....but i'm willing to try the other for lives spared.

Rebekah said...

I'm in the same qualification level as you! Earlier tonight, I heard someone else talking about her bracket, and I thought she was talking about shelves at first!! Of course, I just listened, and found out through osmosis that this has something to do with who wins March Madness, which I do at least know means basketball :)

Melissa said...

We do this too... I go by location. If we have lived anywhere near the college, I choose that team. If it's between two teams I don't know anything about, I go with the team that's more fun to say... such as Villanova. Come on - isn't that the coolest name ever?