So I'm sitting here snacking on chocolate and dried cherries, which seriously could be worse, it could be chocolate and butter-flavored Crisco, so let's put it in perspective, folks. The chocolates are Dove Promises, meaning they come dressed in foil with super-secret messages printed on the inside. I feel like an undercover agent when I eat them; it's a lovely rush on an otherwise ordinary Saturday.
The two wrappers sitting beside me (see, I've only eaten two! so far) contain these particular gems of wisdom:
Gem #1 Promise yourself some relaxing holiday moments.
To which I'm thinking, I can promise myself all the bleached sand beaches and strawberry bubble baths I want, but the choice is not really up to me. If someone at Dove could please work on a message that says Promise your mother some relaxing holiday moments, like maybe every other Tuesday from 9-6, and hand a bunch of them to my kids (minus the candy; they only get the candy if they make good on the promise), then maybe we'll be leaning a few degrees in the right direction. Please work on it, will you?
Gem #2 Joy is contagious.
This, of course, prompted the compilation of a mental List of Contagious Things. Which was just too precious to keep to myself, really, so here you go:
1. joy, purportedly
2. cynicism, actually
5. bubonic plague
6. commercial jingle for The Clapper
7. athlete's foot
8. your mama jokes
9. lawn mowing (especially in a subdivision of retirees. one guy revs his mower at 5 am, and the whole neighborhood is weed-whacking by 7. fascinating phenomenon.)
10. also: bad fashion, giggling in church, and chicken pox.
And for all of you who are now singing Clap on (clap clap), Clap off (clap clap)...well, I'm trying to be sorry, but it's still a wee bit funny to me right now. I'll work on it.
4 hours ago