29 September 2007

pensive

I've been feeling out of sorts lately. In a hazy, undefinable funk.

--I'm carsick all day, whether or not a car is involved. (No, I'm not pregnant.) (Yes, I'm sure.)

--Sometimes I'll stare myself down in a mirror and wind up surprised at how little I recognize me. It's not that I've changed--I look much like me ten years prior--it's more that I have a picture, an expectation of my appearance in my mind. And this isn't it.

--I'll reach the end of a day so exhausted my bones sag, yet feeling like I've accomplished scarcely anything.

--I plucked my first white hair this past week. Precursors have been popping up in my eyebrows, so this was to be expected. Yet I can't seem to muster the appropriate horror; just a vague that's cool sort of thought. I suppose the novelty will wear off after a half dozen or so.

--Somewhere between occasionally and often, I wake up with fresh shock at the clutter that has crept back into my house. And I'll go on a cleaning rampage and throw out tons of junk and also some non-junk that I'll have to re-buy the next week. Well, lately I've registered this sort of shock at the (non-tangible) clutter that has crept into my life. I need to simplify, to pare down to the essentials. And I feel too tired to begin.

--Fall is my favorite, but I'm allergic to it. I'm also allergic to summer and spring. I seem to be running out of seasons.

--I hope to be back soon. Thanks for checking in on me. :)

6 comments:

Kimberly said...

It's rather eerie how your sentiments echo my own. It's been a strange couple of weeks. I feel like I'm trying to fight my way out of a fog bank.

emily said...

oh . . . i sssoooooo understand everything you just said and can completely relate at this moment.

Katy said...

I am so sorry things are rough lately. I hope things get better!!! Thinking of you! :)

Melissa said...

Nic - There's something in the air. I'm convinced of it. And I'm not sure what it is. I have felt a lot of the things you described... I hope you're feeling better soon.

jorth said...

Strange! I was car sick all last week, too!

(And, no, alas, I'm certainly am not pregnant)

Melissa said...

Nic - There's something in the air. I'm convinced of it. And I'm not sure what it is. I have felt a lot of the things you described... I hope you're feeling better soon.