22 August 2007

future attorneys at law

I've discovered that to my kids, a shopping trip is just one big loophole. Because I didn't say they couldn't "shine" the floor with their hands. I didn't say they couldn't lick the faux pumpkins ("they smell like cake, Mom!") (okay, I admit, they did smell pretty lickable). I didn't say they couldn't wriggle across the tiled floor of the checkout aisle like an earthworm ("Not a worm, Mom. A purple fish!"). Oh, well in that case, go ahead.

I don't even bother with the attempt to think up everything my children might do so I can add it to the verboten list before they fly into action. Completely futile. They have exponentially greater proportions of imagination than I do. Instead, I focus on what they are allowed to do: "You may walk beside me and tell me about Rescue Heroes in a quiet voice."

This works fairly well for my younger two, but not so much for the older pair.

A long bout of silence and puffed cheeks, followed by an explosion of air. "Hurry up and say we can breathe, Mom!"

"You may breathe."

"And can we blink, Mom? What about blinking? Can our blood move through our veins? And what about the spit that gets to be at the back of my throat? Can I swallow it? You didn't say I could swallow."







!






So if you find yourself in need of legal counsel in about twenty years, you'll know who to call.

16 comments:

hotflashmama said...

They are the smartest kids EVER!!

If the attorney thing doesn't work out, maybe they can be pastors. That takes a lot of creativity too. Of course if you just know how to ELABORATE stories---you've got it made.

AND --think how boring shopping would be without them.

Denny said...

This one caused much more than smile from this grandpa, it elicited an outright laugh. Of course I would stifle it if I were within their sight, then again I probably wouldn't. By the way, how does a purple fish move across the tiled floor of a checkout aisle? Is it any different than a yellow fish?

carole said...

Soooo funny. I can see your wit transferred to your children.
Its a good mom who can see the humor after the frustration.

Tayasmama said...

heh heh heh :) That's hilarious :)

Em

simply stork said...

I loved this post...I am a mother of 4 myself(of various ages) and my "olers" are great not to give my "tricks" away to the youngers...mine like to play "the mouth wide open" game and mommy loves this game because it looks so funny in the rear view mirror.
~simply stork~

Tonya said...

got me grinning over here...

...love the tag...my patience is melting...I think mine has long ago puddled on the floor!

Thanks Nic.

Melissa said...

Yeah... I'm so not looking forward to that time! My 8 year old is starting to say a few things like that... yeah... :P

kris said...

I laughed out loud as I pictured this! Good luck!

emily said...

i'm so glad my shopping trips aren't the only ones like this!!

Norman said...

Wow, I think they got their parents' genes. LOve their creative thinking.

Kimberly said...

Oh Nicole! How tired you must be, and yet how filled with hope and gratitude, for having been blessed with intelligent children.

Such a double-edged sword, that.

britty said...

as an attorney, i must say your children have great potential! have been viewing your blog for a while and find it enjoyable and your talent abundant!

~love said...

lqtm...oh, how i've been there.

okay--not the "may i have permission to perform involuntary functions" conversations....but the purple fish on the floor.


no one had really noticed until they heard me say, "okay, i need hopping fishies! hop into the cart. see if you can hop that high."

yeah--it brought a little more attention, but minus two little girls laying on the ground with their undies peeking out of their dresses. =)

~love said...

lqtm...oh, how i've been there.

okay--not the "may i have permission to perform involuntary functions" conversations....but the purple fish on the floor.


no one had really noticed until they heard me say, "okay, i need hopping fishies! hop into the cart. see if you can hop that high."

yeah--it brought a little more attention, but minus two little girls laying on the ground with their undies peeking out of their dresses. =)

simply stork said...

I loved this post...I am a mother of 4 myself(of various ages) and my "olers" are great not to give my "tricks" away to the youngers...mine like to play "the mouth wide open" game and mommy loves this game because it looks so funny in the rear view mirror.
~simply stork~

Denny said...

This one caused much more than smile from this grandpa, it elicited an outright laugh. Of course I would stifle it if I were within their sight, then again I probably wouldn't. By the way, how does a purple fish move across the tiled floor of a checkout aisle? Is it any different than a yellow fish?