24 May 2007

perspective

It's not about me.



This is what I keep coming back to, the truth that saves me, this awareness that it's not about me.

My life, ultimately, thankfully, is not about me. It's meant to be about pouring joy into the people around me and, above all else, enskying God. Soli Deo Gloria.

Much of my so-called-mid-life-crisis has centered around this notion of wretched ordinariness, of feeling unchallenged, untapped. Of watching my innate abilities collect dust on the shelf of my daily life.

I won't plague you with details, but it would suffice to say that I have no clearly defined answers right now. I want to be patient, but at the same time, if God's deliberately equipped me for something specific and I'm just missing the memo, I'd like to stop squandering time.

Until this sorts out, I'm reminded to give the everyday tasks my unfettered best...be it stitching careful seams, reading board books with animation, or swabbing the kitchen floor to aseptic status. Even when it feels banal, prosaic.

Because it's not about me.

13 comments:

Rob said...

Your title says it all, Nic...and it's a hard realization to come to....but it's so freeing when you finally get there.

Keep on with it...God will provide an opportunity to use you if you're willing...but right now he's primarily got you busy being Him in flesh to 4 little ones....and that is a most extraordinary responsibility.

~love said...

"Of watching my innate abilities collect dust on the shelf of my daily life."

i love this. this is where you are. this is where i am. He will meet us here. may He continue to give us the endurance and joy to read that book with animation for the 14th time today!! =)

Kevin said...

You are right, it is not about me. That is a very important concept to grasp. However; you can't have a mid-life crisis until you are in mid-life! Take it from someone who is (or was). Both of us Union City folks are there (or were)!

Nic said...

Thanks, Rob, Love, and Uncle Kevin! I appreciate your encouragement--truly. :)

Kevin--haha--that's why I term it my "so-called" mid life crisis. :) Although really, that is what it feels like...I seem to have all the signs and symptoms, just not at the right age. But hey, if it turns out I die at 60, then I'm spot-on! :)

Thirty-One Trendy said...

Sorry to hear how you're feeling. I go through the same thing periodically. I think it's very common with SAHMs. Anyway, try praying through Psalm 143 and you may want to ready Beth Moore's "Get Out of That Pit." We're reading it in my bible study and everyone is trulygetting so much out of it. Or even Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer.

Tori(rae*danae) said...

Amen and sooo well said! I was thinking about that today...how my girls are growing up so fast and I want to have a great summer with them while they still want to be "around" me, LOL!

I love the post...it's not about me....

Tori

Erin said...

Great post, I think we al feel this way sometimes.

Kimberly said...

I see no reason to wait for mid-life. I think redefining ourselves and shifting our perspective on this world is essential to fulfilling our potential. =)

Tonya said...

When we lose ourselves in the lives of others (read: our children) then we find our own. Nothing could be truer, but we are only human and we have the natural desire to want to do for ourselves. That is the balancing act of motherhood...not completley losing ourselves, but not focusing on ourselves so much that we are unhappy and blinded to the miracle that it truley is to be a mother. I know whenever I try to do too much of "my things" (read: sewing or whatever I want) things always get so much more stressful. This is a great post to help us to know that we are not alone in the daily struggle between our identity as self and a mother...Thanks for sharing...

Sunydazy said...

Great post! And familiar thoughts. Although I've come to find more and more satisfaction from becoming less and less of me and more and more of Him. This is what I'm currently trying to explain to my oldest...With contentment is great gain...and contentment only comes when I become no one and serve others...what a paradox!

Nic said...

I appreciate every one of you! Thank you!!

I see that my post must have been misleading. Please know: I don't regret or question my decision to be a SAHM. That was a no-brainer for me, and I stand behind it completely. My "crisis" is about more abstract things--goals, endeavors for the future, even possibly doing what I am right now but in a different arena--I know, could I BE more vague? LOL...I apologize, but I'm chosing not to elaborate on this right now.

Please also know that I am so grateful for the friendship you have extended to me here.

:)

Amelia said...

Nic~

This is raw and well written truth. I love that about you!

Amelia

jorth said...

This is a great post, really thought provoking.

When I get like that, I give myself a none-too-gentle whack around the head, and remind myself to just try and be the best me I can.